Sometimes you just want something fake and cheesy

By Kitsey Burns Harrison -
Wine and crackers at RagApple Lassie Vineyard in Boonville. - Kitsey Burns Harrison | Yadkin Ripple

You may have seen our editor Wendy Byerly Wood’s column a few weeks ago about a new book written by Yadkin County native Mamrie Hart. Hart is a comedian, writer and has a popular YouTube channel. Her second book, which was released last month, is titled “I’ve Got This Round” and is the follow up to her first book, “You Deserve a Drink.”

The book details Hart’s hilarious exploits which primarily involve lots of drinking in various exotic locales. I quite literally laughed out loud while reading the book, so much so that my husband kept asking “what’s so funny” and I’d proceed to reread the entire chapter to him out loud. He wasn’t nearly as amused by Hart’s antics as I was.

While I thought the book was hilarious and I plan to go back and read her first book, I did have one small bone to pick with Hart. Hailing from Boonville, Hart takes several jabs at the rural county of her birth, most of which I found pretty funny. In a chapter sharing her adventures wine tasting in California, however, she threw a little barb at one of our local wineries that hurt my feelings just a tad. Hart notes in the book that wineries traditionally serve water crackers to cleanse the palate but that RagApple Lassie serves Cheez-its.

I’ve definitely been to North Carolina wineries that have bowls of Cheez-its on the bar, but RagApple Lassie isn’t one of them. They, in fact, serve water crackers. I guess I took this joke a little personal because my husband works there and it’s where we got married. I took her point, but I wish she’d picked on a winery that was actually guilty of this wine tasting faux pas. The wine region in NC is still considerably young and inexperienced compared to those in California.

Water crackers are served during a wine tasting to ensure that the taster gets the full flavor of the wine they are sampling. Let’s face it though, when we’re at home in our pjs watching “This Is Us” sometimes all we want to go with our glass of RagApple Lassie’s Kaleidoscope Red is a big ol’ bowl of Cheez-its or something other equally fake-flavored junk food.

I know it’s terrible for you, but fake cheese-flavored orangey foods are some of my favorites. I love Pringles Cheez-ums, Cheetos and that really orange-colored nacho cheese. I am totally fine with drinking wine with any of those items if that’s what I’m in the mood for.

I did a quick survey of friends far and wine* on Facebook and compiled a short list of some favorite wine/junk food pairings.

Fran suggests fudge brownies with Lazy Elm’s Selfish, a port-style wine.

Caroline recommends any red from Elkin Creek paired with Ben n Jerry’s non-dairy fudge brownie ice cream.

Dana told me her wine/junk food pairing process was pretty simple. Whatever wine is open served with whatever bag of snacks is open. She did note that Divine Llama’s Mustang Sally blend pairs well with Triscuits, and their new blackberry merlot called Merlina goes perfectly with cheesecake or anything chocolate. Dana also noted that Honey BBQ Fritos pair well with most anything.

Louis at Elkin Creek said that customers have told him they love a toasted marshmallow or s’mores with their Cornfelder Red.

Though not a Yadkin Valley wine, Bill said his favorite combo is birthday cake and champagne! Cheers to that!

* I’m going to take a page from Hart’s own book, literally. She has frequent footnotes throughout the book with little puns and jokes. So here’s mine. This was obviously supposed to say ‘far and wide’ and this was a real typo. It gave me a chuckle so I decided to leave it as is.

Kitsey Burns Harrison is a staff reporter for The Yadkin Ripple. Here she shares her musings on life, love, food and being a new mom. She can be reached at 336-679-2341 or on Twitter and Instagram @RippleReporterK.

Wine and crackers at RagApple Lassie Vineyard in Boonville. and crackers at RagApple Lassie Vineyard in Boonville. Kitsey Burns Harrison | Yadkin Ripple

By Kitsey Burns Harrison